


Odyssey of Minds - Josh

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s06e09 Impact Winter, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-09
Updated: 2005-10-09
Packaged: 2019-05-30 19:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15103823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of theWest Wing Fanfiction Central, a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in theannouncement post.





	1. People Move On - Josh

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 1: Josh POV**

**by:** Peridot  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Impact Winter  
**Written:** 1/5/05  


People move on - Josh's POV

She quits ... People move on, he says ... She quits. How is that even remotely possible? How could she just pick up and leave? Here I am battling with myself whether to leave in the midst of this administration or to fight for the long run while she just leaves, no warning given! Okay fine, she did say she's quitting but still ... 

Why?! Why would she want to leave me? What could she possibly want more than she can get here? This is the White House for crying out loud. The west wing on top of that! 

And what about me? Didn't I go all the way to Germany for her! I even left the country in the middle of a national crisis ... for her! And she quit just like that and left me with what's her name! Talk about loyalty. 

This just does not make any sense. Maybe she's just pissed that I kept canceling lunch. I can't help it if my job demands as much as it does. I can't prevent things from coming up or happening. Like the asteroid. Well, perhaps there was nothing I could have done except you know...closely monitoring the situation. 

Ah, who am I kidding? I so could have made time for her. If I could go to Germany, I surely could have had lunch with her. But ... I honestly had no idea she was this unsatisfied with her job! 

_"You used to love it when I couldn't dress myself without you." "I used to love peppermint ice cream too, but now, those little pieces of candy? They get stuck in my teeth in a way that I find irritating."_

"I quit."  
"What? Come on! No you don't. Walk with me."  
"Look at my face. I'm not messing with you." 

Damn it! I have to have been a total dumbass not to have seen this coming. Maybe I did know…subconsciously. Maybe I was avoiding the talk on purpose. Why do I keep doing this? 

I have to see her…. talk to her. I have to change her mind….if it's not too late. Is it too late? 


	2. Call Donna - Josh

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 2: Josh POV**

**by:** Peridot  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Faith-based Initiative  
**Written:** 1/11/05  


Call Donna - Josh's POV 

She's in New Hampshire. She's actually literally gone. Why does this feel like the end? It seems so final. 

Now I can't even try to change her mind. I can't ask her to come with me and work for Santos. God, we would have been a great team. Working to elect the next President of the United States. It wouldn't have been like the last time where she mostly just had to answer phone calls, make appointments and file. This time it would have been amazing. And now we will never have a chance to find out how it would be. Damn it, she didn't even have the decency to let me know she was going to another state! 

"Call Donna!" 

Well it was easy for Toby to say that. Doesn't he realize that I'm the victim here?! Well ... maybe if I had called her this may not have happened. Maybe if I had just stopped being an ass and picked up the damn phone! Would that have made a difference? Oh man, why do I always screw up?! 

But then again, it wouldn't have made a difference. I mean I only just made the decision to go with Santos. I couldn't have told her even if I had called earlier. Hah! So I guess I didn't screw up this time! 

Hmmmm ... Damn it! If I had called her, however, we would have talked and things would have been better between us. And then she would have told me she was going to New Hampshire which then would have given me the opportunity to let her know about my plans with Santos. I did screw up! 

Sigh ... I wonder what she's doing now and if she's feeling alone ... or scared. Will she like it there? Not knowing anyone. Well, I guess she'll be meeting a whole lot of new people there ... at the `Russell for President' campaign headquarters. Oh god! She's going to help elect Bingo Bob! And I'm working to elect Santos! Oy, this cannot be good. She's working for the enemy. How could this have possibly happened? 

I know how. Because I decided I wanted to see a Hispanic Congressman from Texas get elected as President! I deserted the President just before his last year. Our last year! He may have given me his blessings as Leo did but I still somehow feel crummy about it. I know Toby is really pissed at me. Even though I had all the right reasons. I guess I can understand his frustration. Things are not going great for us right now. We all worked really close together to get an unknown governor elected to President. I guess it's only appropriate to stick in there to the very end. This will be a guilt that I will always carry with me. 

But, however ... I wasn't the only one who left in the middle of the administration. Donna did that too! Argh! Why is everything so screwed up?! How am I ever going to work without her by my side? She's been there every step of the way. She takes care of me. Will I be able to venture this new beginning without her? Man it hurts just to think about it. 

How am I going to survive? Maybe ... Just maybe I can get her on my side. Could there possibly be an inkling of a chance for me to coerce her to defect to my side? The right side. 


	3. It's Not a Thing - Josh

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 3: Josh POV**

**by:** Peridot  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Opposition Research  
**Written:** 1/19/05  


It's not a thing - Josh's POV 

I finally saw Donna …Yup…The one an only. She looked amazing. But then again when doesn't she? I knew she was up at the campaign office but I actually didn't expect to see her. 

Boy, did my jaw drop to the floor when I did see her. I just could not take my eyes off her. For that one moment my whole world pretty much just stopped. I didn't know where I was, what I was going to say or who else was in the room. I could not move or even blink. All I could see was a vision of Donna. 

The thought of not being able to see that vision everyday is just killing me right now. It was totally different though seeing her this time. Like it was Donna but not really Donna, you know? She's no more my assistant, my confidant, my other half. She's someone else now and no ones assistant, that's for sure. 

When the discussion with Will was over I was immensely relieved. The encounter with Donna had pretty much drained every drop of energy I had, which was why I could only muster up enough strength to walk away and not look back. I know it was very abrupt of me, but I was so afraid that if I looked at her for one more second or even was in the same building for one more second I may have let everything out. All the questions I had for her. All the explanations I wanted to give her. All the different emotions I have been suppressing inside of me for such a long time. 

_"Can we not make this a thing?"_

"It's not a thing." 

What did she exactly mean by `thing'? The fact that we are both working for opponents? The fact that she left me? The fact that Will is using her to guilt me? The fact that we haven't said a word to each other since she quit? I don't actually know but it's probably all of the above. 

_"Media targeting for the Northeast and Pacific Northwest."_

Another jaw dropping moment. She's really moving up, isn't she? She does deserve it ... but ... why isn't she moving up WITH ME?! You know why, you idiot. Because you didn't promote her when you could and you kept her chained to your hip! You didn't really talk to her about Santos. 

I should have told her about everything. About how I felt under- appreciated in the White House. About how unsatisfied I was. About my hopes and plans for getting Santos elected. About why I felt Santos was the real thing. If only I did ... 

Now I guess I can't lure her after all. She said it herself, she's got a good salary and the campaign's actually got political support which I definitely can't offer her at this moment. I want her to have the perks. I want her to get all the things she has been longing for. But I just can't help but be selfish here. 

_"You ought to deliver some of those truisms yourself."_

Just when I thought Will contaminated her with his arrogance and overconfidence, she proved me wrong. It's just amazing how she can still help and inspire me despite everything. This is why Donna Moss will always and forever be a bigger person then I am. 


	4. Praying You'll Find Me - Josh

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 4: Josh POV**

**by:** Peridot  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** King Corn  
**Written:** 2/9/05  


Praying you'll find me - Josh's POV 

Why am I feeling this way? I honestly think I found him ... my guy ... the real thing. But why am I not experiencing the indescribable rush, the thrill of campaigning. All I'm feeling right now is extreme exhaustion and I am completely drained to my very soul. But why? I'm doing what I love, I found the kind off candidate that I have always wanted, but ... sigh! I just feel ... alone. 

During the Bartlet campaign, we were a true team. An equal team with Sam, CJ and Toby. It was just so much more fun and less emotionally wearing. Maybe I just miss the old days, maybe I miss my friends, maybe I miss DC ... maybe I miss her. 

Donna 

I'm lying here on my bed, not having been able to sleep for the past three hours. Worst of all, I have to be up in two hours! All because I saw a glimpse of Donna Moss's hand coming out of her room door. How can one's body switch into a totally different mode by just seeing an arm? I cannot describe how my mind and body have been reacting to every little contact I've had with Donna these days. And let me tell you, when I say little I mean 'little'. 

Every single time I've seen her since we left the White House, I have been lost for words ... which is not something I am accustomed to. Funnily, this has never been the case for me and Donna before. In fact, it used to be the exact opposite. I used to be completely looking forward to talking with her, bantering with her, arguing with her. Somehow all that feels like a lifetime ago. I feel I've aged ten years since we were together in the west wing. Will it always be like this? God, it physically hurts me to think of that as a possibility. 

Last night was one of the most awkward moments of my life! My heart almost popped out of my mouth when I saw her in the elevator. And for her to be in the room opposite mine! I mean, is some higher power playing a cruel joke on me? Seriously! 

And of all of the things to happen, I couldn't use the key card properly. Well, I guess that was predictable. But once again, she came to the rescue. Just as she always has. But now ... now I realize I need to learn to do things on my own and to not need her because the reality is, she's not going to be there anymore. But somehow, I think learning to take care of myself is not going to make me feel any better. 

When I finally got in the room I was incredibly restless and I felt that I had to do something or else I would spontaneously combust. For some reason my body was reacting much faster than my mind. I pretty much just stormed out of my room and my hand rose to knock at her door. 

Thank god, in the nick of time, my mind started functioning again. What could I possibly say to her? What could I possibly NOT say to her? Would I yell? Would I plead? Would my body take over again and grab her and ... never mind. 

God, the endless unanswered questions in my head. I would have no clue when or how to start a real conversation with her. Will I ever have that conversation with Donna? Honestly, I don't see how we could and that kills me. 

The fact is, the best relationship I have ever had with anyone has basically vanished into thin air without much warning. Am I going to be able to get through this? Will I ever stop feeling this way? I guess only time will tell. 


	5. Alienation and Nothingness - Josh

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 5: Josh POV**

**by:** Peridot  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Freedonia  
**Written:** 2/23/05  


Alienation and nothingness - Josh's POV 

The chicken?! She's arguing with the chicken?! I can't believe it! She's all flared up ... sigh ... How can someone look so amazing arguing with a chicken?! 

I bet she knows this has my fingerprints all over it. I bet that's what set her off in the first place. I can't actually imagine Donna scolding anyone, besides me, the way she did that chicken. 

She seems much more ... confident ... more comfortable in her own skin. I've actually never seen her this way before. I guess this short amount away from the White House has brought big changes to Donna. 

Despite everything, I just can't help feeling proud of her. I guess she was right all along, as always….She wasn't growing in her job. I honestly thought I was trying to give her every opportunity I could. I mean, I really did. I let her go to Gaza ... well, we all know how well that turned out. 

Sigh! I'm starting to feel that she made the right choice. To leave me. To go on with her career ... with her life. I guess that was her only choice. She would have never really known her full potential if she didn't do what she did. If she stayed with me, all she would only be is my sidekick ... contrary to what I had thought. 

Am I a complete idiot not to have seen her complete potential? I have always known that she was smart and has such remarkable qualities that I admire immensely ... but I guess I didn't want to really, truly see it. Because that would mean she had no reason to be working as my assistant. Because that would mean that I'm the one who's holding her back. 

I guess I knew that if I let her grow, she would definitely grow away from me. God, I'm such a selfish bastard. Look at her now! She's shining! I bet she's a star in the Russell campaign. I bet she's the one who convinced Russell to take up Matt's debate suggestion. I guess she brings in a little of me into their campaign. 

How great would it be if we were working together on the same campaign? Of course when I say same campaign, I mean Santos's. How great would it be to actually have someone who really understands me working with me? 

At this point I would sell my soul to actually be able to be myself with her for just a little while. Just a few minutes….which is like a whole lifetime less than what I used to have with her on a daily basis. 

It's actually funny I say this as just a while ago I was thinking that I would sell my soul to actually never be able to see Amy again. I swear she has gotten so much more intolerable than she used to be. Every tiny being of me was wishing that she would just vanish into thin air. I can't believe I dated her ... more than once! I guess that's another self-deprecating aspect of myself ... pushing away anyone who truly cares for me while letting people like Amy in. 

Why do I do this to myself? Why?! Just once ... just once I wish I could just say what I really feel ... If only I could ever figure that out. 


	6. Let Me In - Josh

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 6: Josh POV**

**by:** Peridot  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Drought Conditions  
**Written:** 3/4/05  


Let me in - Josh's POV 

I cannot believe what had happened. Did I actually punch Toby? Did I actually have a full on fight with him? What is happening?! How did my life take such a dramatic turn? Argh!! 

Toby ... what he did ... I just cannot comprehend it. And what he said about not coming to him when I found Santos. And insulting Santos! Who does he think he is? He said and did all these things just because I didn't include him in my plans?! I mean he was the one preaching about staying with the Bartlet administration till the end. Preaching about loyalty on top of that! To hell with him ... 

I'm currently standing here near the cocktails taking a break from smooching with senators I honestly don't give a damn about. Oh, no ... just when I think this night can't get any worse ... I just saw Donna. 

Why does she have to look so damn gorgeous?! I see she's also smooching with people she doesn't care too much for. I bet she's doing a much better job than I am. Then again, when isn't she? 

It has been pretty much `hi' and `bye' between us since we came to DC. Which honestly feels even worse that before as this is where we should be at home. This is where we should be most comfortable. Well ... I guess we were quite comfortable in the closet. 

_"Is our relationship about to change?"_

What kind of a moron was I to say that? Was that a sick pathetic joke? On both of us? My damn mouth keeps letting words out before my mind can ever catch up! Luckily Donna had enough sense to ignore my dumbass comment. 

Being in such close proximity to Donna was one of the most uncomfortable and comfortable positions I've ever been in. I felt like we were falling back into pace like how we were but at the same time I knew it was not going to last. I actually had a hard time breathing in there let alone concentrate on what she was saying. 

She had the most amazing smell….like she always does. I didn't realize how much I missed just her smell until she was that close to me again. For a second there, I felt the past was catching up with us. But who am I kidding? She is working for Russell…She's always going to work for him. Things are not going to change. 

I keep telling myself to move on. I keep thinking that I could move on….But I've never been able to. I mean look at her! She looks spectacular. Her navy blue dress makes her blue eyes look like a deep sea that I could drown into. Note to self, avoid Donna's eyes! And her beautiful, gorgeous blond hair ... 

"Josh Lyman!" 

Okay, back to smooching another ass! 


	7. This One Matters - Josh

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 7: Josh POV**

**by:** Peridot  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** A Good Day  
**Written:** 3/14/05  


This one matters - Josh's POV 

I guess he's not a bad guy. We actually seemed to work well together. Who would have thought? Cliff Calley and Josh Lyman, partners in crime! Well, no matter how well it all turned out, don't get your hopes up it will be happening again anytime soon. 

It was the most horrifying bombshell when CJ told me that Cliff Calley was taking my job. MY JOB!!! First he wanted to take `my Donna' and now my job?! And he's a damn Republican! It was a pretty harsh blow when CJ broke the news. It felt like the administration was still punishing me because I left. But despite what I felt, truth be told, now I'm actually warming up to the idea of Cliff being the DCOS. Mind you, I'm never going to be totally comfortable with this situation. But I can put up a good front-- 

Just like I put up a good front when Donna, Will, Cliff and I were discussing the stem cell vote ... right before Hafley screwed us over. Who would have thought, after what happened 3 years ago, that Donna, Cliff and I would actually be able to have a civil conversation. We were talking as though nothing had ever happened. No diaries, no late night meetings. I guess that's the other reason I can somewhat respect Cliff. I doubt he would ever bring up the diary issue or hold it against anyone. 

It's amazing how Donna didn't react at all when she saw Cliff. Especially since Cliff was talking to me. But then again, I'm pretty sure she has mastered not having any reaction when things get awkward or when she is told unexpected news. I should start mastering that skill too. Seems to come in handy pretty often. 

I have to say it was a lot more comfortable seeing Donna this time. I felt a sense of happiness and excitement when I saw her walking up to us in the halls of Congress. Unlike before when all I felt was nervousness and queasiness. I wasn't expecting her to come, so I was pleasantly surprised. As soon as I spotted her passing security I just couldn't take my eyes off her. My head kept wanting to turn in her direction but of course that would not have been the best thing to do especially while having a conversation with Cliff Calley. 

I felt like a kid at the candy store when she came up to us. I think I may have been grinning like an idiot for a second there. My heart actually skipped a beat when I said hi to her. God, what would I give just to spend a little more time with her. How will that ever be possible at the rate we are campaigning? Never? Am I never going to spend a decent amount of time with Donna Moss? I guess there's only one possible way for that to happen. If Donna chucks the Russell campaign and joins Santos. 

If only she could see what I see in Matt Santos. If only I gave her that chance when I was visioning my plan. Now I've lost any chance of Donna being on my side. She'll never know just how much Santos is campaigning out of idealism and belief in a better future. I'm certain those are the exact qualities Donna thinks a true President is made of. 

I guess she'll never know how much she would have loved working for Santos ... the real thing. 


	8. Take a Bow - Josh

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 8: Josh POV**

**by:** Peridot  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** La Palabra  
**Written:** 3/31/05  


Take a bow - Josh's POV 

Did that just happen? It's not sinking in. It's not digesting. Okay ... okay, here it comes. I'm processing it ... YES!!! WE WON CALIFORNIA!!! 

Wow, that was a rush! I never saw this coming. I didn't even have any hope that we would come in second, let alone first! And to think I was trying to get Santos to drop out! Thank God the man had some sense. Wow ... 

How could this happen? Well, I guess I know how ... but, I just can't believe that Hoynes did it again. He made all these promises to his family and the people of this country. He came on TV for all to see, telling them that he was deeply sorry and that he regretted it. He swore that it would never happen again and that, from now on, people could trust him to do the right thing. And from the moment we turned our backs and weren't looking ... he did it again. How can this man even believe that he has a chance of becoming a good President when he can't even be faithful to his own wife and children? It just doesn't make sense to me. The first time it happened ... I felt sorry for him. This time however, he had it coming. He lied and was exposed ... rightfully so. And who better to unveil the truth than Donnatella Moss. 

That's the thing about us ... we can be miles apart from each other and yet somehow still be in sync. I mean, I'm not a pessimist when it comes to winning something. I fight till the very end, but this time I honestly gave up. If it hadn't been for Donna, I would have called it a day. Life's funny that way sometimes. 

Nevertheless, I really wonder how she managed to do this? Is it possible that she leaked the story to the press? How could she have gotten this sort of information in the first place? Is she actually capable of bringing down Hoynes with a sex-scandal? Donna Moss, ruthlessly using such information? Has she changed so much in the past months that she would step on anything and anyone to climb up the ladder? Nah ... 

This is Donna we are talking about. Donna, who didn't even let me scare off a bird! I'm so sure she just got caught in the middle of this. But how? How could she have obtained any inside information on the Hoynes campaign? Is she that good? What am I saying? Of course she's that good. It's Donna! Once she puts her mind to something there's no stopping her. 

It's just amazing how much she's grown on her own! She's practically Russell's spokesperson now! And to think I was the one blocking her from blooming ... flourishing as she has. She's so incredible. I just wish she was being incredible by my side and not across the country! I wish I was celebrating this victory with her and not alone. Well, technically I'm not celebrating this alone but it sure feels like it. 

Despite working closely with everyone on the Santos campaign, I never really connected or clicked with anyone. That's what I truly miss. I've been on the edge for the past couple of weeks because I'm starting to regret, whether Santos stays in the race or not, that I never bonded with these people. I never gave them a chance. 

But how could I ... when I keep missing everyone else and the good old times? How could I ... when every second that I'm not strategizing, I'm thinking of Donna? If only I had her with me ... celebrating this win with me. 

All would be right with the world. 


End file.
